“8 ways to keep a man,” “How to keep a marriage” – training and seminars on such topics are often based on the idea of control in relationships. Many people believe that it is in our power to control the “quality of relations” and that it depends primarily on us whether the partner will cheat. In our opinion, this belief is based on three myths. More precisely, these are not entirely myths, sometimes they turn out to be true, but they become a problem when we consider each betrayal through their prism. The human experience is much more diverse than our ideas about it.
Myth # 1: “Cheating appears due to relationship problems.”
And really, can there be a place for cheating in a happy marriage? And does not the fact of betraying automatically mean an unsuccessful marriage? Sometimes not. Often the cheating partner is not going to destroy the relationship; moreover, his partner, maybe children and the family nest, in general, are dear to him. In our culture, it is very difficult to accept the idea that adultery also happens in marriages in which there are no serious problems. Like the man saw a young pretty woman on the https://primedating.com/gallery.html site, they met and something terrible happened. In fact, there are no relationships at all without problems. Take a closer look at the relationship, which only yesterday seemed strong, but today cracked, and there will certainly be some explanation.
And although cheating is what a person seems to be doing in relation to his partner this act is far from being always about a partner. Sometimes this is the way out of a very deep personality conflict. Since childhood, each of us has a dilemma every now and then – to choose the security of maternal embrace or risky exploration of the world.
Different parts of our “I” cannot simultaneously receive satisfaction in marriage – at least not automatically. It hurts to accept, but this is the reality of life. Some are trying to solve this dilemma in polygamous relationships, but such a compromise has many pitfalls. And by the way, keep in mind: “I am polygamous, but my wife does not know” – this is not an open marriage. As soon as cheating gets revealed, a personal conflict instantly turns into an interpersonal one, and then the question “what is wrong between us” comes to the fore. Although until the moment of finding a random text or someone else’s stuff in the spouse’s car, this was an internal conflict of one person, in fact, very indirectly related to the partner.
This myth follows the second, which can become destructive for the one who is cheated on.
Myth # 2: “We cheat because we lack something in the partner.”
The bitter truth is that a person sometimes enters into a relationship on the side, unconsciously rebelling against what he values most in his partner. Imagine a woman who has a wonderful husband, two children, this friendly family experienced a lot of good and difficult things together. This woman insanely appreciates the care and attention of a partner. And at the same time, his courtesy and well-organized daily life suppress her. A woman falls in love with a man who has no permanent job and acts quite windy. Each of our friends, lovers reflects something special in us. Sometimes we did not suspect.
She, of course, feels enormous guilt, but at the same time, an incredible rise: this romance helped her to feel that she was alive again! She discovered something new in herself; she never thought she was capable of it. But at the same time, she really really appreciates her marriage. He is incredibly important to her. It’s just that a certain part of her “I” could not fully express itself in these stable relations.
Myth # 3: “Male and female infidelities are different in essence”
Men cheat easily and for the sake of drive, and women only when they feel an emotional connection, the social stereotype tells us. In fact, both men and women have emotional and sexual needs. But society, as we know, looks rather condescendingly on how a man satisfies both of them – having a reliable rear in the form of a family and sexual adventures on the side. But the woman is required to sacrifice her sexual interests for the sake of the family.
In fact, the role of a caring mother, which is most often chosen by a woman, turns out to be a real anti-aphrodisiac in partnerships. Responsibility for others prevents her from focusing on her desires. To reconcile the emotional connection with home reliability and comfort is not a problem to be solved, it is a paradox that needs to be dealt with somehow. And how exactly – in the form of refusal or restriction of one’s desires, polygamous relationships, open marriage – everyone already decides for himself. And no one can solve it for another.